Graham J Noble is a freelance writer specializing in politics, sports and often flaunts his British humor to write satire.
Latest posts by Graham J Noble (see all)
- A Satire for the Fighting Irish - May 23, 2017
- Trump’s Riyadh Speech Takes Hard Line Against Extremism - May 21, 2017
- FBI Director: Who’s In, Who’s Out - May 19, 2017
From the moment Russian President Vladimir Putin elected Donald Trump to lead America, we have all been hoodwinked into believing that certain issues are important enough to cut into our drinking-time. What we are not focusing on, however, is a very sinister conspiracy about which every American should be gravely concerned. Let me preach on it.
The news is full of stories about terrorism, illegal immigration, healthcare reform, economic growth, election-tampering and so on. Pish posh. The implications of any such issues pale, in comparison to the feminist assault on our way of life.
It’s a man’s world; we know this because Maxine Waters told us so, in her 1966 hit song. Men built the pyramids; men invented stuff; men drink the most beer, do most of the killing, dominate global politics and make most of the rules. Thus, has it always been. Feminists know this and have become increasingly concerned that the growing influence of women will tip the balance. They fear the day when women become so successful and powerful that the burden of doing stuff will fall upon their shoulders.
If there is one thing all Americans can agree on – regardless of political views, religious beliefs, the color of our skin or which bathroom we prefer to use – it is that politicians exist to make our lives miserable. Washington D.C. is not a swamp, for swamps are carefully balanced ecosystems in which everything has a place and a purpose. Beltway politics, by contrast, is more like a rummage sale inside that crazy cat lady’s apartment, during a category five hurricane; chaos, destruction, and feces everywhere – and we, the voters, are ultimately responsible. Before women had the right to vote, this could all be blamed on men. Today, women are as much to blame – and they fought for the right to share in that blame. Go figure.
In modern times, throughout the western world, women can apply makeup and drive cars. Many of them choose to exercise these freedoms simultaneously. That’s progress, the feminists tell us, as firefighters cut them from the wreckage of the Subaru Outbacks that they purchased with their money, because they have jobs, too.
Feminism has burdened women with the responsibilities – and consequences – of empowerment. They can no longer ask that one question that sends men diving for cover: “Does this dress make my butt look big?” Nice try, sweetheart, but you bought the dress! Don’t ask me – I’m just a man; you wanted to share in the decision-making, so just wear the damn dress, or don’t.
It is, understandably, a mystery to most normal people why the radical left-wing feminist movement embraces the Islamist view of how women should be treated. It’s no coincidence that not one radical feminist has ever objected to the millions of dollars accepted by the Clinton Foundation from nations like Saudi Arabia, where women barely have any rights at all. It would seem strange that leading figures within the feminist movement are proponents of Sharia law. It is no puzzle, however; it is very much a deliberate strategy to shrug off the burdens of responsibility so that women everywhere can get back to doing what they do best; blaming men for everything.
Under Sharia, women do not get to run for office or vote or drive cars; they don’t get to publicly express their opinions or wear make-up or reveal their bodies. This last item is particularly important when one considers the physical appearance of most radical feminists.
So, the movement – in a desperate attempt to roll back women’s ‘rights’ – has presented the American people with a seemingly endless cavalcade of females who are insane, stupid, vacuous, physically revolting or, in many cases, all of those things. The plan is to disgust the American public until support for the implementation of Sharia law becomes overwhelming.
By way of examples, consider Hillary Clinton, the least likable human being ever to run for political office. Also consider her misbegotten offspring, Chelsea, who has redefined stupid. Ponder, if you will, the inane rantings of Elizabeth Warren or, as natives call her in the ancient tongue, ‘Crazy Caucasian Thinkshe Oneofus’. Speaking of people who misappropriate other cultures for personal gain, consider Rachel Dolezal, another white woman who feels so ashamed of her origins that she’s been masquerading as a black woman for years.
The most recent demonstration of how women – for the sake of all that is good and decent – should return to silent subjugation was presented by Tiny Fey. Just as Warren pretends to be Native and Dolezal pretends to be black, Tina Fey pretends to be funny. Speaking Saturday at an ACLU-sponsored discussion on reproductive care, Fey said something, although it’s hard to figure out what. In an apparent attack on college-educated women who voted for Donald Trump, Fey said the following, according to a CNN report:
The thing that I kinda keep focusing on is the idea that we sort of need to hold the edges, that it’s sort of like a lot of this election was turned by kinda white college-educated women who would now maybe like to forget about this election and go back to watching HGTV and I would want to urge them to like ‘You can’t look away.’
It should be noted, here, that this quote has not been altered for comedic effect: It was taken, verbatim, from the CNN report. These are the exact words that came out of Fey’s mouth.
Obviously, Fey is bitter and angry that her college education was a complete waste of money. Other than that, it is a marvelous example of why feminists should just shut the hell up. Well played, Tina.
The list of crazy feminist antics goes on, but there’s only so much one can take before Russian Roulette becomes a more palatable option. At some point, one realizes that, perhaps, these harpies are on to something; maybe Sharia is the answer. Still not convinced? I leave you with two words: